October 3, 2022

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picture: Getty Images

The best part about the Dallas Cowboys is that they are made fun of. Whether it’s Dak Prescott doing his best to follow in Tony Romo’s footsteps as the quarterback most likely to stumble before the finish line, or the annual “Zeke Elliott comeback” after his appearance with no visible guts, it’s all too easy to fuck in Team America. (Could it be Team America if the country the boys reside in is always trying to break away from…America?)

Of course none of this would be possible without the help of Jerry Jones, whose work has become so tiring that he must have his own accommodation in Caesar. Jones’ latest gimmick It has partnered with Black Rifle Coffee Co.a 2nd Amendment-inspired Java joint that sells roasts such as AK Espresso, Silencer Smooth, Freedom Fuel, and Coffee or Die.

The company is owned and operated by veterans…that’s where the good PR of this partnership ends. In addition to being an embodiment of how veterinarians are discredited, roasters offer merchandise draped in AR-15-style silhouettes over American flags or Texas flags. If you like a little power packed with gun merchandising, they offer swag with cocks, a Sasquatch, and a Mickey Mouse Spinoff “Gat Rat” that carries firearms. Co-founder and CEO of the brand Matt Best holds a gun in his picture on the About Us page.

The primary factor of the Chemical Research Center is that they source the beans from South America. Admittedly, there are only a few states in the US that produce beans, so the logistics of the rest of the local produce is tough, but LOL. Nothing says national pride like sipping on some Brazilian territory before going out to slaughter a group of deer with a semi-automatic weapon.

If cowboys simply read the room – or turned on a newscast – they would know how greasy this looks. People are literally launching Independence Day rallies, and marketing gurus in Arlington say, “But Jerry, it’s free coffee.”

If random business owners in Rifle, Colorado, who bought the building that housed Representative Lauren Boebert’s campaign headquarters and gun-inspired dinner, shootersHe has business acumen Do not renew the lease contractthen the Dallas-sex cowboys must have had enough common sense to know that their friendship with gun operatives was bad at Mad Men Freddy-Rumsen-pissing-same-during-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-content.

Doing so a day after a fatal shooting in a Chicago suburb, and a month and a half after the slaughter of 19 children and two teachers in Ovaldi, Texas, is even worse. It lacks morals, decency, human decency, or whatever term you would use for someone who trades their soul for a few dollars with a latte. Why not announce Gat Rat Night at AT&T Stadium while you’re at it?

Unfortunately, we know why innocent Americans are put at risk during their daily lives: money and the Second Amendment. If gun enthusiasts aren’t wrapping themselves in stars and stripes and grumbling about arming teachers, there’s a politician out there enthusiastically taking reparations from the NRA.

I personally enjoyed the news that Coloradans would soon be deprived of Guan Nine, Ruger Reuben, and food poisoning at the hands of Boebert. However, I’m not naive enough to believe that it will end her tenure as the Republican is likely to hit her big toe on the floor of the House of Representatives. This week alone, she won the primaries and used Denmark’s first mass shooting since 2015 As a means of violating gun laws.

The powerlessness of it all is the most frustrating part. If the Cowboys and Jones back off the deal with BRCC, there could be a bigger protest in Texas than the abyss I’m screaming at now. I can see tweets now – “LIPS hate veterans!” and “Coffee didn’t kill those kids!”

The Cowboys could have partnered with any number of coffee companies that do not actively promote firearms. They don’t, which is why Jerry Jones is an NFL fan’s least favorite piece of perceptive sludge. I’d make a few more jokes if it wasn’t so frustrating.

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